February 14, 2010

Lack of Passion

When I became a Christian, I promised myself that I would not just be an everyday Christian. That wasn't what I had intended and that surely wasn't what God intended. Right?

I went to Del City through most of college, I started going my sophomore year and was hooked and never looked back. I loved it. I loved the idea of the church. Of the body of believers coming together to worship. One of the things that really drew me to Del (other than the amazing people) was the singing. I had visited a lot of churches. I church hopped all of my freshman year, and had been to almost every church at least three or four times, but the singing was never exactly what I was expecting. Side note, that was how I officially decided on OC too, I visited and people actually smiled and talked to me on the tour which was a huge plus, but then I went to View 63 that night and loved the singing. People were singing with their hearts, not just their mouths, and yes, you can tell the difference! Anyways, when I visited Del I found the same thing!

Being here has made me miss singing. Not that we don't sing here a lot, we do, I just don't understand any of it. The people sing with passion as well, it is not a lack by any means! However I do not feel like I am singing from my heart and therefor I feel like I am cheating on myself. I had a hard time when I was here on LST with that too. Not being able to truly sing. Its not that I can't sing the words on the page, I can, I just don't have a clue what they are. My heart isn't in it. This makes me unbelievably sad because I always felt like I tried really hard to keep sincerity in worship, and it feels like it has slipped away.

Its been a tough couple of months. But the sun is out today and the weather is supposed to get above freezing this week so hopefully some snow will melt!

I think im going to take a quick nap before our coffee and dinner this afternoon. One of Karen's readers has invited us over to meet with his family for coffee and dinner so that should be an exciting evening!

Be good and do good!

Sarah B

Quote: "When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly." ~Patrick Overton