Take My Breath Away

Oh! Why should the spirit of mortal be proud? Like a swift-fleeting meteor, a fast flying cloud, a flash of the lighting, a break of the waves. A man passes from life to his rest in the graves. ~William Knox from Morality Lincoln's favorite hymn. 

Pride. 

Oh Pride. 

Fund raising has defiantly taken a hit on my pride.  And that is exactly what it is, my pride. God will and does provide, it is just a matter of me being humble and asking. Who am I to stand in Gods way? Who am I not to be His instrument? Oh pride. Pride. 

I am going to take a leap and buy my ticket, i have approximately $1,400 thus far and a ticket is around $1,300. In August I will get around $12,000 from the church which will help provide for the first few months, but funds will still have to continue to come in since that will only provide for about 9-10 months. 

Anyways, so goes life. Another peanut butter sandwich in a brown paper bag. 

"An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory." ~Unknown. 

Rationalizing the Heart

When did people start to rationalize their hearts? Since when do we as humans stop listening to our hearts? When do we stop listening to that little tug? Do people still feel that tug? 

What I fear most is when the tug is longer there. It is like becoming desensitized to our hearts. I dont know about ya'll, but I dont ever want that to happen! 

I always revert back to the book my Erwin McManus, "The Barbarian Way". McManus describes a conversation with his daughter in which he is in the car with her and is asking her about when she grows up. She tells him she wants to make lots of money so she can give it all away and help people. McManus, in an attempt to do his fatherly duty and talk some reason into his daughter, tries to talk to her about saving some to take care of herself. How it is good to give, but we also have to take care of ourselves. McManus' daughter then begins to cry saying he doesn't understand, she didn't say she wanted to be homeless or that she would be, she just wanted to help people and she wanted him to support that. 

I think that is how we have become as a nation, as individuals. We try to rationalize what it is that our heart is telling us to do. When all we are really supposed to do is love. Be that love in time, money, encouragement, leadership, however it is that you are blessed to serve, SERVE! 

Quote: "Dont try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough." Arthur Freed 

People Watching

I am a self-pronounced people watcher. If I could make a living in people watching, I totally would! I love to people watch. 

The 4th of July was this weekend, I got to see my aunt and uncle and cousins which i haven't seen in a few years. I did a lot of people watching. My youngest cousin, Matthew, has a heart problem, he's had it since he was born. Ultimately the left side of his heart is non-existent. He has had lots of surgeries but is done for a while, his last one which he had about 2 years ago, should last until he is a teenager. Anyways, I say all that to tell you I completely forgot he even had a problem until I saw him playing and realized how quickly he got red and tired before his brother. 

I am sitting in panera enjoying a lovely supper. I am currently trying to figure out the best way to non-cholantly take a picture of the deliciousness. There we go, yay for webcams!

Anyways, through all of my people watching experiences I have come to the realization of how interdependent we are as humans upon each other. I am watching a father and daughter, she seems to be around 2 and he is young, maybe his late 20s. It is just untresting to me how much trust that she openly places in this man. In the same way, Matthew needs his parents. 

I was reading quotes this morning, and I stumbled across one that went something like this: "How bold we can be when we are assured of being loved." 

As Christians we are assured of love in such a way. I look at the mission field, and there is something within me saying "go" whispering it. I know its not me, because everything else within me is screaming "what the heck are you doing?". And yet there is God. Quietly whispering, "go". 

I am so afraid of listening to that whisper. It seems to be so sure, so absolute. But I am more afraid of not listening. Of not going. 

I found a sign off Rt 66 a while back when I was driving around, and it said "jump and the net will appear" and I laughed at it. Who would do that? But thats what I'm doing isn't it? Isn't that what life is about? Jumping? Where do you get if you never jump? You look. You watch. You never know. Who needs a net. Nets are boring. 

Quote for today: I have had a hard time finding a quote for this week so this is one that just stuck out for me. "No one sees what is before his feet:we all gaze at the stars." Cicero