Time Flies

Less than 2 weeks and ill be in Germany. It still hasn't really sunk in yet. I was thinking about saying goodbye this afternoon on my drive in and just balled the entire way. I know I will see everyone again, it is just the control freak part of me that is going crazy. I guess I dont want people to forget me. Not that they will, but it is never fun saying goodbye. I'm not looking forward to the flight. Its going to be hard. Very hard. I know this. 

Funds are still coming in. Slowly, but they are coming. I printed off another rd of letters yesterday and hope to get them out today. I just coped churches out of a book and am highlighting as i send them letters lol. Who knows. 

It feels weird to be done with college. Not that i haven't had anything to do... lol ive got sooo much to do!  I did get my health insurance taken care of, yay! 

In case your wondering, one disregard how yucky i look because its nearly 1 am and im in bed, and 2, its thermal... okay but back to the story, this is my cat Callie, she sleeps with me when ever im home. She also follows me down the street when i leave. I will miss her, shes my kitty :). She is looking at me thinking, "what in the world are you doing?" I love it! 

Anyways, i think that is it for now. Prayers would be appreciated, its going to be a rough couple of weeks! 

What is life?

I am in senior philosophy right now... it is an interesting class to say the least. We are discussing the "deep" stuff.... if thats what you wish to refer to it as. 

I did find one of the discussions a bit more interesting to than the rest. I believe it was Berkley who said that we arent really matter (our being/physical self) and nothing really exists except God and our mind/souls. Our minds create everything that we need/think we need for it to make sense, but it is the mind that goes on and gives life meaning, but matter (everything physical) is not real, simply a figment of our imagination....

Its been in interesting class. Part of me says, "who in the world cares?" and the other part finds it interesting. We have our first test tomorrow.... hopefully ill do well, im nervous not gonna lie! 

Tomorrow is the garage sale.... the one i'm not supposed to know about ;). Hopefully there will be a good turn out though. I am truly amazed at the generosity of people though. I HATE absolutely HATE fundraising with a passion, i feel like i'm begging people for money. But it is slowly starting to come in! Slowly but surely! I need about $10,000 more for this year and $13,000 for next. But im going for baby steps, this year first and next when it gets here! 

Alright well i'm super tired and cant concentrate to study so i think im going to take a nap and then try to study! 

"To be is to do" Kant  

The Human Condition

It seems at first sight that there is no hope for the human heart. There is heart, or there isn't. As a person, a human, we are here, we live and then we die. The End. Or, as a Christian, we are here, we live, we love, and we die and go to heaven. Somewhere in the middle, we have to get the living part down. Why do we care? Why should we care? 

People never cease to surprise me. Never. The kindness that one heart can hold. Imagine if all of that is combined! What if everyone could love so deeply, so intensely. And im not talking to physical love, or the emotional love, im talking the agape love. 

There is hope for humanity. As long as there is God, there will be hope. :) 

"If I discover within myself a desire in which no experience within this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.  CS Lewis 

Take My Breath Away

Oh! Why should the spirit of mortal be proud? Like a swift-fleeting meteor, a fast flying cloud, a flash of the lighting, a break of the waves. A man passes from life to his rest in the graves. ~William Knox from Morality Lincoln's favorite hymn. 

Pride. 

Oh Pride. 

Fund raising has defiantly taken a hit on my pride.  And that is exactly what it is, my pride. God will and does provide, it is just a matter of me being humble and asking. Who am I to stand in Gods way? Who am I not to be His instrument? Oh pride. Pride. 

I am going to take a leap and buy my ticket, i have approximately $1,400 thus far and a ticket is around $1,300. In August I will get around $12,000 from the church which will help provide for the first few months, but funds will still have to continue to come in since that will only provide for about 9-10 months. 

Anyways, so goes life. Another peanut butter sandwich in a brown paper bag. 

"An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory." ~Unknown. 

Rationalizing the Heart

When did people start to rationalize their hearts? Since when do we as humans stop listening to our hearts? When do we stop listening to that little tug? Do people still feel that tug? 

What I fear most is when the tug is longer there. It is like becoming desensitized to our hearts. I dont know about ya'll, but I dont ever want that to happen! 

I always revert back to the book my Erwin McManus, "The Barbarian Way". McManus describes a conversation with his daughter in which he is in the car with her and is asking her about when she grows up. She tells him she wants to make lots of money so she can give it all away and help people. McManus, in an attempt to do his fatherly duty and talk some reason into his daughter, tries to talk to her about saving some to take care of herself. How it is good to give, but we also have to take care of ourselves. McManus' daughter then begins to cry saying he doesn't understand, she didn't say she wanted to be homeless or that she would be, she just wanted to help people and she wanted him to support that. 

I think that is how we have become as a nation, as individuals. We try to rationalize what it is that our heart is telling us to do. When all we are really supposed to do is love. Be that love in time, money, encouragement, leadership, however it is that you are blessed to serve, SERVE! 

Quote: "Dont try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough." Arthur Freed 

People Watching

I am a self-pronounced people watcher. If I could make a living in people watching, I totally would! I love to people watch. 

The 4th of July was this weekend, I got to see my aunt and uncle and cousins which i haven't seen in a few years. I did a lot of people watching. My youngest cousin, Matthew, has a heart problem, he's had it since he was born. Ultimately the left side of his heart is non-existent. He has had lots of surgeries but is done for a while, his last one which he had about 2 years ago, should last until he is a teenager. Anyways, I say all that to tell you I completely forgot he even had a problem until I saw him playing and realized how quickly he got red and tired before his brother. 

I am sitting in panera enjoying a lovely supper. I am currently trying to figure out the best way to non-cholantly take a picture of the deliciousness. There we go, yay for webcams!

Anyways, through all of my people watching experiences I have come to the realization of how interdependent we are as humans upon each other. I am watching a father and daughter, she seems to be around 2 and he is young, maybe his late 20s. It is just untresting to me how much trust that she openly places in this man. In the same way, Matthew needs his parents. 

I was reading quotes this morning, and I stumbled across one that went something like this: "How bold we can be when we are assured of being loved." 

As Christians we are assured of love in such a way. I look at the mission field, and there is something within me saying "go" whispering it. I know its not me, because everything else within me is screaming "what the heck are you doing?". And yet there is God. Quietly whispering, "go". 

I am so afraid of listening to that whisper. It seems to be so sure, so absolute. But I am more afraid of not listening. Of not going. 

I found a sign off Rt 66 a while back when I was driving around, and it said "jump and the net will appear" and I laughed at it. Who would do that? But thats what I'm doing isn't it? Isn't that what life is about? Jumping? Where do you get if you never jump? You look. You watch. You never know. Who needs a net. Nets are boring. 

Quote for today: I have had a hard time finding a quote for this week so this is one that just stuck out for me. "No one sees what is before his feet:we all gaze at the stars." Cicero 

Its been a while

Hello friends. 

It has been a while since I posted on here, there has been a lot going on in the past couple weeks. 

My roommate and her sister are both back for a couple months from being on the mission field. What brings them home is a sad occasion though, they lost their brother in a motorcycle accident. Katie is working in East Asia and Sammie is working in Australia. It has been great getting to see them and spend time with them, I am actually having dinner with them and one of the other roomies tonight- cant wait! 

School has been crazy, I am doing alright it is just like pulling teeth to finish. The end is in sight though and that is encouraging! 

My niece, Ally, is spending the week with me. It has been interesting thus far, but I think she is having a good time. She is the one that has been taking me leaving the hardest, ive tried to explain it but I dont think she gets it yet. One day. I am taking lots of pictures and then ill make her a little scrap book of this week and give it to her before I go so she can having something from our time this week. She has always stayed a day or two with me during the summer, but never an entire week! 

To commemorate all of the people listed above- photos of each! Enjoy!*

*Disclaimer: I said I wouldn't put these on facebook.... i said nothing about not putting them on my blog! 

Quote of the day: It is never to late to be who you might have been. George Elliot 

Scared Stiff

I was at work today, and one of the admissions counselors came up and was asking me about Germany and I realized that I am scared stiff. I dont know how it will be done, God is going to have to step in because I can not do this alone! My roommate said yesterday that the summer was half over and then I realized how much there is to do before I leave. It is so scary! 

Quote for today: To often we are scared, scared of what me might not be able to do. Scared of what we can do. Scared of what people will think if we tried. We let our fears stand in the way of our hopes. Why? There's really no time to be afraid. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Everything!

The Power of God

These past few days on the beach have been absolutely breath taking and humbling. The might and power of God. Just to take it all in. Each piece of sand, each star in the sky is His, and so am I. The thought is just mind blowing. 

Quote: "Every mans life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another." Earnest Hemingway 

Beach

We have made it to Pensacola! Its been great to spend some time with the family. I have become acutly aware that I am ever so thankful to be single with no children lol. Dont get me wrong, I love the kiddos, im just glad i dont have any to be responsible for yet! 

The trip is going well, I will post more pictures later! 

Just a preview of the post to come later: God= Ocean 

Quote: Many of the great achievements in life were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working. ~ Unknown